I must have been feeling masochistic when I chose this bag of beans. There’s no room for fun alliteration, rhymes, or theme-building in this review. These beans are PureGross, straight in the trash, dirty water, dog poo. (Ok, one rhyme)
I thought I’d learned my lesson when I tried VitaCup’s low-acid coffee, but apparently not. Puroast beans are organic, promote antioxidant wellness, low acid, and swear their flavor is above the rest. Lies, I tell you! LIES! (at least on the flavor front)
Out of the bag, the beans are multicolored, maybe it’s a blend of different roasts? There’s a strong chocolate smell fresh from the bag that turns foul once ground. After mixing with hot water, an ominous waft of hot trash shot up my nostrils.
Pouring it into my cup, the normal caramelly tint of the earthy elixir looked rotten and lifeless. After a splash of cream, I swear the coffee was more grey than a welcoming milk chocolate brown. And my first taste? Spat right into the sink. It was bitter, like a movie ex-wife who’d devoted her life to raising her kids only to be cheated on by her billionaire husband and then left for broke.
Look, I get that some people need healthier coffee, but this aint it. Better would be switching to Matcha, Hot Tea, or take up smoking cigarettes - hell, grits taste just as bad!