After surviving my second bout of Covid, I thought I’d fortify my health this week with a conscious coffee choice. VitaCup appears to blend the current wellness craze with caffeine. They’ve got specialty grinds that target your metabolism, energy, and memory, which are properties of all coffee, but whatever.
I chose the Low Acid bean because I like my caffeine highs without hallucinations. Also marketed as lab-tested, pure, chemical-free, pesticide-free, mycotoxin (huh) free, fair trade, and organic, I wondered if any consideration had been put into the flavor. My answer came the instant hot water met the grinds in my french press. The sterile aroma of a laboratory filled the air.
I carried on with my taste experiment hoping for a surprise result. What I got was an intensely dark, low grit, murky flavor coating my tongue with bitterness. I felt duped, like when my parents tried convincing me that Carob chips were as yummy as chocolate chips. LIES! Carob chips are mini dirt clods.
I won’t be revisiting this bean unless it’s under a doctor’s orders. I’ve moderated many substances in my life, but some things deserve their full glory—this pharmaceutically approved blend curbs my addiction to God’s most excellent bean rather than enabling it. Out of environmental respect for VitaCup, I’ll leave the rest of the bag to fertilize my neighbor’s roses since it already tastes like dirt.