Have you ever watched an old black and white movie? A noir-type picture. Filled with questionable characters wearing wide-brimmed hats, overcoats, and drinking coffee in a diner. It’s past midnight, and maybe they're eating a slice of pie or smoking a cigarette. Can you see this scene in your mind? Do you wonder what that late-night diner coffee tastes like?
Ladies and gents, welcome to Don Francisco’s Coffee. It looks better on screen than it tastes in reality. If you want your fresh brew to taste like it’s been bubblin’ on a burner for hours, dehydrating into mud, then this is your bean! It smells like coffee in the most antiseptic way possible. The aroma isn’t alluring, there’s no mystery to solve or story to savor. It’s awful.
Did you know that caffeine is a main ingredient in many headache and migraine medicines? Yet, for some reason, after two cups, I’ve gotten a headache. The label says Family Reserve, and if that’s true, Don Francisco must really hate his family.
Look, I get no pleasure in ratting out anyone's business, but this bean is criminal. Take my word for it kid, the only thing this cup-o-joe is good for is staining your teeth, and helpin’ method actors get into character. So unless you’re the next Cagney, Bogart, Stanwick, or Crawford, I’d steer clear of this. Ya hear me?
This is what they always served at stir crazy on melrose.
Hilarious.